I think I have taken my heart for granted all my life…that it beats everyday, all day, all night….tick tick tick….like a clock, until the day we die our hearts continually beat a usually steady 60-100 beats per minute. The other night my heart went haywire ( it has happened a few times before but not like this)…it was beating out of control, “off the track” so to speak. It’s common I hear now. It happens to people, more than you can imagine. It’s so scary to not be able to catch your breath, to feel your beating heart race out of control in your chest and neck….my neck was throbbing. SO, after 11 hours I went to the ER, dizzy and exhausted…(why i waited is just pain stupid and in the past now)…my heart was beating at like 188 and higher….the dr. said I had been in a long 11 hour sprint, my heart was super tired. They call it SVT. Super ventrical tachycardia . The “instant oxygen” felt nice…I knew I was in good hands right away.
I had not prayed, I had not done a thing but concentrate on my breathing for so many hours and had not realized the severity, but suddenly I was filled with fright and tears rolled out of my eyes….up went the heartbeat and blood pressure. They told me to try and stay calm. HA! me? Ok. I am not writing to tell some amazing story or that I had some huge epiphany, although there is definitely “something” that happened to me ~I am actually writing to journal about my experience for myself…and to share it…run on sentences and all, this is me. I want to remember the moment the Doctor told me they were going to have to give me some medicine to stop my heart. Hello??? what??? He says that they will stop it for a second and it will be flushed thru with saline or something and it should set it back to a normal beat…my heart, “back on track”…. I see the nurse holding three syringes….sometimes they have to do it more than once. They are busy with getting me ready for that little procedure and I shut my eyes quietly. For the first time in 12 plus hours, I pray. I had no energy to pray honestly. I just asked God to walk with me as I have been trying to walk with him. Seriously at that moment, I was really scared and had nothing to do but trust in those around me and God. “You are going to feel really, really crappy, you may feel like you are going to pass out”…the doctor says before they administer the med to stop the heart. I asked him to hold my hand , the one nurse held the other. I felt the effect immediately and remember listening to the monitor beeping….beep, beep, beep……..beep………………..beep………I thought to myself, my heart is stopping. I suddenly felt so heavy in my chest and the weirdest hard sensation in my throat, hard to explain now…a faint memory. He asked how I felt ….I muttered “bad”…he nodded up and down like he knew, then I almost felt like I was leaving . I looked up at the ceiling (ugly, I thought)…at the two big flourecent panels of light. Then as fast as I felt like I was going away I wasn’t. I heard the monitor beeping again…I was coming back and started to slowly feel better. They smiled, the nurses and Doctor. It worked. One dose.
I knew my husband and daughter were out in the hall waiting for news. My heart slowly felt like my old happy regular beating heart after some time…what relief to have the heart beat at 89 and 79 and 70, I checked the monitor a few times with a crank of my neck. I closed my eyes. Thank You, God. Sooo, this is a wacky blog post or journal ramble, but I have a crappy memory and I wanted to write some stuff down. Don’t judge my writing skills~ I am all over the place today and grammar is not on my list of worries. I am processing things still. Heading to a specialist to figure out what is up with my “ticker”. They think its an electrical issue~ ? Most people know I am wired differently anyways! Im praying for the doctors to figure it out quickly. I am not in the mood for another round of racing heart…monitors or beeps or ugly ceiling panels, shots in the stomach, blood work and hospital food. I like home. Rest is not something I am very good at, but Im doing it. I took a pic of a snail and some flowers yesterday ~ that was about it. Trying to slow down like the snail. feeling thankful for my “regular” heart beat today. I could learn a few things from this patient little guy.
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big hugs to Melody and April (my nurses) and that nice Doctor in the ER, can’t pronounce his name….:))and all the nice nurses all weekend~ they were fabulous. Grateful.